this metamorphosis

I’m not the same person I was ten-and-a-half years ago, when we married, barefoot on the beach accompanied by hymnsong. I had all the right answers then, in that vague half-light, and none of my own heart. I lived as I thought I should, as I was expected to, as I had been taught.

We were on a mission, and had no idea how lost I was about to feel.

I’m not the same person I was four years ago, when I birthed our first child. Then, I was six years deep in the dark.

Not the windswept wilderness darkness full of the starlight only witnessed when the moon is new. It was the cramped darkness of trying to fit my soul into poorly lit rooms, the familiar spaces now outgrown.

Hell, I’m not the same person I was yesterday.

And yet. I am the same person… [join me for the rest of my guest post over at Sarah Murray’s place: A Lovely Frame]

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One thought on “this metamorphosis

  1. {commenting here, in case you didn’t see it on sarah’s post, and i want to thank you personally for your words. they empower those of us who need to know that what we’ve felt and experienced is real and true.}

    “even if it means shaky hands, we will hold tight.”

    i shook reading those words, because i’ve been there. i’ve been frozen, unable to respond to questions about my faith that were heavy blows, each one. i was the questioning one in the beginning, and was cut down. cut down low. now, what had brought me into the magical place of personal relationship and KNOWING, was going to undo me. i shut it all out and didn’t ask or answer another question for a year…maybe more.

    today, i am safe, not because of any protective box or structure, but because i know i am loved, regardless of any question or any answer. the questions that first freed me, then threatened me, now sit with me quietly. no expiration date, no deadline. the pieces come together in their own time, and i am privileged to watch it happen and stand grateful.

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